Monday, February 6, 2012
Comments and concerns
My concerns for this paper are ones of grammer arather than content. All too often my sentances are switched around or too short. Often, I miss words. Also, I do not explain enough why the visual aspects effect the audience but rather how the slogan does. A few more sentances about each of my points would serve me well. All in all, a quick proofread would help my essay more than anything else
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Jon,
ReplyDeleteYes, you are right that your grammar needed editing. You had strong points but at times the words became confusing to read/hear. I liked your thesis and thought you successfully proved the differences between the men/women aspects. However, you need to clearly depict the differences of the cautious and the carefree between the two advertisements. Other than that, I liked your essay. The second to last body paragraph needed a closing sentence to wrap together the ideas that the paragraph talked about. Let me know if I can help,
Nick Weimer